Celestina: The Lost Album
by Kara's Aunty
Summary: A selection of possible songs from Celestina Warbeck's hit album 'You Stole My Cauldron, But You Can't Have My Heart'. Take with a healthy pinch of salt! UK English.
1. Track 1: Bewitching Lass

**Disclaimer: **Harry Potter is owned by J.K Rowling, etc. Not me. I'm only dabbling my unworthy fingers in her magical world.

**Credit: **harrypotter dot wikia dot com

DEDICATION: To my beloved niece, Kara. I hope you like it, my wee flower!

Summary: _A 'touching' (ahem) ballad/lay from Celestina Warbeck's album 'You Stole My Cauldron, But You Can't Have My Heart'._

**Track 1: Bewitching Lass

* * *

**

o0o

'_Twas one enchanted evening_

_when silv'ry Moon was new_

_I tripped upon your flowing robes_

_And promptly lost my shoe_

o0o

_It tumbled down the hillside_

_Completely out of sight_

_My pretty sapphire slipper was_

_Soon lost in darkest night_

o0o

'_Do not despair, bewitching lass_

_I'll bring it back to thee!'_

_These words you spoke so ardently_

_A lover's oath to me_

o0o

_I thrilled at your devotion_

_To my bare naked foot_

_You slipped it temporarily_

_In your own welly boot_

o0o

_And off you dashed gallantly_

_In welly boot and sock_

_But you tripped, too, and hit your head_

_Upon a jagged rock_

o0o

'_Do not despair, bewitching lass_

_I'll bring it back to thee!'_

_I had not known that loving phrase_

_Would be your last to me_

o0o

_I wept beside your body_

_Upon that cursed hill_

_Your perfect face and beefy arms_

_My heart no more would thrill_

o0o

_And on the day I buried_

_The one I loved so dear_

_I came in welly boot and sock_

_(Your mother thought it queer)_

o0o

'_Do not despair, bewitching lass_

_I'll bring it back to thee!'_

_Ran through my head as your mum aimed_

_A Killing curse at me_

o0o

_Her aim was true and steady_

_I fell upon the ground_

_And landed in the pile of earth_

_Beside your burial mound_

o0o

_You'd think I would be happy_

_Existing as a ghost_

_For with me now forever more_

_Is one I love the most_

o0o

'_Do not despair, bewitching lass_

_For you are now with me_

_And we shall haunt that cursed hill_

_For all eternity!'_

o0o

_I think I shall not tell him_

_The reason for my gloom_

_I saw his mother hauled away_

_For bringing me my doom_

o0o

_So, winningly I smile at_

_My pearly see-through man_

_He'll never hear from me his mum_

_Will rot in Azkaban!_

o0o

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

_Author's Note:_ 'Welly boot' is (of course) Wellington boot(s), or galoshes.

Not sure if I've done the lady's lyrics justice. Still, there's an entire album to work my way through, so I'm sure I'll get the gist of it at some pint (sniggers). Let me know what you think.

Kara's Aunty :o)


	2. Track 2: A Woman Scorned

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter is owned by J.K Rowling, etc. Not me. I'm only dabbling my unworthy fingers in her magical world.

**Credit: **harrypotter dot wikia dot com

******Please do review - it really _is_ my only reward******

Summary:_ Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned… unless that woman is also a witch… _

A (rather vicious) song from a spurned lady. Rating upped accordingly.

**Track 2: A Woman Scorned****

* * *

**

o0o

_My man walked out the other day_

_He left me for a hag_

_It Stunned me more than I can say_

_And then it made me gag._

_Had she Disarmed him with a spell?_

_How did it come to this?_

_I can't believe she stole his heart_

_With no more than a kiss!_

o0o

_Well, she can have him!_

_I will not waste_

_The gift of my undying love_

_On such a man (with such bad taste)!_

o0o

_For ten full days the pain was such_

_That I was quite unwell_

_I wept and sobbed so very much_

_My face began to swell_

_I had to take a Calming Draught_

_To stop the wails and snorts_

_But then I thought of her and laughed_

_I hope she gives him warts!_

o0o

_Oh, she can have him!_

_That rancid tart!_

_I hope she boils his eyes in oil_

_And spices it with his black heart!_

_o0o_

_These cheery thoughts did quite a bit_

_To help relieve the pain_

_Suddenly inspiration hit_

_And made me smile again_

_For in his haste to fly the nest_

_He'd left his things behind_

_I burned the robes that he loved best_

_Revenge hot on my mind!_

o0o

_Well, she can have him!_

_That (blank-blank)tute_

_Will have to clothe him head to toe_

_Now that I've left him destitute!_

o0o

_Such therapy did this afford_

_That I could not stop there_

_I sold his prized Quidditch league board_

_And his antique armchair_

_I posted Howlers to his boss_

_Pretending I was him_

_His poor employer was very cross_

_And hexed him limb from limb!_

o0o

_Oh, she can have him!_

_The shameless moo_

_Will need to bonk for Britain now_

_That she is working to feed two!_

o0o

_I saw them kissing in the park_

_It made me want to cry_

_I followed them both after dark_

_And hexed them on the fly_

_I hid behind the rambling rocks_

_And turned their skin bright green_

_Told healers they had dragon pox_

_Worst case I've ever seen_

o0o

_Well, she can have him!_

_Once he is cured_

_St Mungo's treatments don't come cheap_

_(And that green cad was not insured)!_

o0o

_Now I have had my sweet revenge_

_And justice has been served_

_My wounded pride I did avenge_

_They got what they deserved!_

_Oh, fickle men, when you betray_

_Your wives, it's so unjust_

_But take heed of the price you'll pay_

_For your unbridled lust_

o0o

_Oh, they can have you!_

_Those floozy tarts!_

_I hope they're riddled with disease_

_That soon infect your manly parts!_

o0o

_Ba dum di dum, ba dum di dum,_

_Tra la la la la la!_

_Shoo doop di doop, shoo doop di doop,_

_Fa la la la la la!_

_(_Repeat last verse to fade_)_

o0o

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

_Author's Note_: 'Bonk' is Brit-slang for, em, you know...making the beast with two backs.

(Ahem)

Before you ask: No, this song isn't based on personal experience! (Which is a fortunate thing for any potential boyfriends…)

Again, I'm not quite sure the tone or lyrics of this song are very 'Celestina', but who knows? Maybe some cad of a man dumped her (for a hag) and this was her way of venting her pain (after she ruined him financially, physically and psychologically).

*chuckles*

Thanks for reading,

Kara's Aunty :o)


	3. Track 3: Boom! Boom! Boom!

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter is owned by J.K Rowling, etc. Not me. I'm only dabbling my unworthy fingers in her magical world.

Summary:_ Er, none, actually. It's just a daft song._

**Track 3: Boom! Boom! Boom!****

* * *

**

_o0o_

_You put the Fire in whisky_

_Baby, you're burning hot_

_I'd like to fly into your arms_

_And show you what I've got_

o0o

_Won't you come over to see me?_

_You've made a big impact_

_I'll promise to be very good_

_(And leave your robes intact)_

o0o

_Oh, I would really like to_

_Squeeze, thrill and excite you_

_To make your heart go boom! boom! boom!_

_The way that you make mine do_

o0o

_You put the Butter in my beer_

_Baby, you're silky sweet_

_I'd like to taste your creamy lips_

_And nibble at your feet_

o0o

_Let's take a stroll in the moonlight_

_I'll kiss you by the pond_

_You've clearly cast a spell on me_

_With your enormous wand_

o0o

_Oh, I would really like to_

_Enrapture and delight you_

_To make your heart go bang! bang! bang!_

_The way that you make mine do_

o0o

_You put the Levi in corpus_

_Baby, you lift me high_

_Just one touch from your perfect mouth_

_Would make me swoon and sigh_

o0o

_Now hold me tight in your arms dear_

_And make me lose my breath_

_I give you full permission to_

_Love-squeeze me half to death_

o0o

_Oh, I would really like to_

_Kiss, cuddle and love-bite you_

_To make your heart go thump! thump! thump!_

_The way that you make mine do_

o0o

_Oh, I would really like to_

_Squeeze, thrill and excite you_

_To make your heart go boom! boom! boom!_

_The way that you make mine do!_

_o0o_

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

_Author's Note_: For those of you who read my Harry Potter/Lord of the Rings crossover, the first verse will be familiar. Here, now, is the full version of the Celestina song that Molly shocked the noble Rohirrim with in its latest chapter.

Gotta love Ms Warbeck!

Kara's Aunty :)


	4. Track 4: Hocus Pocus, Baby

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter is owned by J.K Rowling, etc. Not me. I'm only dabbling my unworthy fingers in her magical world.

**Credit:** Harry Corbett (of Sooty & Sweep fame).

_Summary: Lust overcomes reason. (slightly risqué final verse - you have been warned)._

**Track 4: Hocus Pocus, Baby****

* * *

**

o0o

_Hocus Pocus, baby_

_You drive me so insane_

_I lose my focus, baby_

_When I see your shaggy mane_

_You send my pulse a-racing_

_When you look at me that way_

_Oh, hocus pocus, baby_

_You're the highlight of my day_

o0o

_Hubble bubble, baby_

_Come join me for a spell_

_Oh, on the double, baby_

_For a little kiss and tell_

_I melt into a puddle_

_at the magic of your touch_

_Oh, hubble bubble, baby_

_You enchant me oh so much_

o0o

_Izzy wizzy, baby_

_You wicked little tease_

_You make me dizzy, baby_

_I'll do whatever you please_

_If you wish me to beg dear_

_I will do as you demand_

_Oh, izzy wizzy, baby_

_I'm your love slave to command_

o0o

_Hocus pocus, baby_

_I'll kiss your luscious mouth_

_And if you want to, baby_

_I'll take my lips further south_

'_Cos that's how much I want you_

_I'm a woman without shame_

_Oh, hocus pocus, baby_

_My whole heart is yours to claim!_

o0o

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

_Author's Note_: Maybe that last verse _is_ a little suggestive for Celestina. Then again, maybe not … Either way I couldn't resist!

*snorts*

Kara's Aunty ;)


	5. Track 5: The Twelve Days of Christmas

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter is owned by J.K Rowling, etc. Not me. I'm only dabbling my unworthy fingers in her magical world.

**Credit: **Wikipedia, HPL (cringe), one or two other sites whose names I've forgotten ...

Summary:_ One poor witch is about to have a very bad Christmas as her sweetheart's gifts to her get progressively worse._

**Track 5: The Twelve Days of Christmas**

* * *

**o0o**

On the first day of Christmas

my true love sent to me:

A Phoenix in a fir tree

**o0o**

On the second day of Christmas

my true love sent to me:

Two Diricawls

and a Phoenix in a fir tree

**o0o**

On the third day of Christmas

my true love sent to me:

Three Post-owls

Two Diricawls

and a Phoenix in a fir tree

**o0o**

On the fourth day of Christmas

my true love sent to me:

Four Hinkypunks

Three Post-owls

Two Diricawls

and a Phoenix in a fir tree

**o0o**

On the fifth day of Christmas

my true love sent to me:

Five Fairy wings

Four Hinkypunks

Three Post-owls

Two Diricawls

and a Phoenix in a fir tree

**o0o**

On the sixth day of Christmas

my true love sent to me:

Six Gnomes a-swearing

Five Fairy wings

Four Hinkypunks

Three Post-owls

Two Diricawls

and a Phoenix in a fir tree

**o0o**

On the seventh day of Christmas

my true love sent to me:

Seven Ghouls a-groaning

Six Gnomes a-swearing

Five Fairy wings

Four Hinkypunks

Three Post-owls

Two Diricawls

and a Phoenix in a fir tree

**o0o**

On the eighth day of Christmas

my true love sent to me:

Eight Doxy droppings

Seven Ghouls a-groaning

Six Gnomes a-swearing

Five Fairy wings

Four Hinkypunks

Three Post-owls

Two Diricawls

and a Phoenix in a fir tree

**o0o**

On the ninth day of Christmas

my true love sent to me:

Nine Hags a-cackling

Eight Doxy droppings

Seven Ghouls a-groaning

Six Gnomes a-swearing

Five Fairy wings

Four Hinkypunks

Three Post-owls

Two Diricawls

and a Phoenix in a fir tree

**o0o**

On the tenth day of Christmas

my true love sent to me:

Ten Banshees wailing

Nine Hags a-cackling

Eight Doxy droppings

Seven Ghouls a-groaning

Six Gnomes a-swearing

Five Fairy wings

Four Hinkypunks

Three Post-owls

Two Diricawls

and a Phoenix in a fir tree

**o0o**

On the eleventh day of Christmas

my true love sent to me:

Eleven Howlers howling

Ten Banshees wailing

Nine Hags a-cackling

Eight Doxy droppings

Seven Ghouls a-groaning

Six Gnomes a-swearing

Five Fairy wings

Four Hinkypunks

Three Post-owls

Two Diricawls

and a Phoenix in a fir tree

**o0o**

On the twelfth day of Christmas

my true love sent to me:

Twelve Trolls a-trampling

Eleven Howlers howling

Ten Banshees wailing

Nine Hags a-cackling

Eight Doxy droppings

Seven Ghouls a-groaning

Six Gnomes a-swearing

Five Fairy wings

Four Hinkypunks

Three Post-owls

Two Diricawls

and a Phoenix in a fir tree

**o0o**

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

_Author's Note_: Just a bit of seasonal silliness. Thanks to all my readers and reviewers for your support over the past twelve months, and I hope you have all had a lovely Christmas. Have a safe and Guid New Year when it comes to you!

Kara's Aunty :o)


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